Dating in 2021: am I deeply unloveable or just unlucky in love?

Dating in 2021? Well, it's a fucking shit show to say the least.

I thought I was done with all of the swiping, getting to know you questions, small talk, and disappointment. Truthfully it was one of the things I used to be grateful for the most about being with the person I was going to spend my life with. But we all know how that turned out. He had other ideas.

So I was thrown back into the single life.

To be honest I've kind of enjoyed it, in terms of getting to know myself again and discovering what I want in life and, more importantly, what I deserve.

I've gotten to the point now where I'm content on my own, so I'm open to bringing someone new into my life.

If only it was that easy.

It's honestly a miracle when I don't unmatch with someone after our first conversation.

Lads, top tip: the only place messaging "when are you coming to mine then?", after only four messages between us, is going to get you is on my blocked list. So stop.

With everyone that has miraculously made it past tinder, they easily fit in to one of two groups; the "you're already mine - you owe me your full attention - and you shouldn't be talking to anyone else" after talking to me for all of one week boys, and then there's the "I'm going to keep you around until I get into a relationship with someone better" boys.

I kid you not I have had a guy sit there and message a girl about what day she's coming over whilst I'm sitting there. Disrespectful but okay. I've had one cancel a date because he was "sick" but really was just with someone else. Unnecessarily disrespectful but we move on. I had a random influx of lads from high school all start to message me at once, who back then didn't give me the time of day, so that weirdly brought out my internal trust issues. But it's cool, people change. I've had guys think that I OWE them nude pictures of myself. No means no huns. And most of all I've had men think I'm great and are sexually attracted to me, yet only want to be friends and fuck until someone better comes along. Story of my life.

At a certain point, when everyone else around you seems to be meeting the right person, and getting into great relationships straight away without even trying, you start to wonder whether you're just ridiculously unlucky in love, or there's something deeply unloveable about you.

Online dating doesn't necessarily help, and it's a flawed system to say the least. It feels like if you're looking for something genuine then you're already out of luck. I actually respect the lads that say they're just looking for someone to fuck in their bio - it means my time won't be wasted and neither will theirs.

How hard is it honestly for these free apps to ask you what you want (a quick one night stand, casual sex, long term, marriage, kids, no kids) and then only expose you to people who want the same thing? I mean I'm no app designer but if they can match you based on your answers to "vibes" about fucking Love Island, then surely they can do that too?

I'm 24 years of age, I don't want to get into another relationship and 2.5 years later they tell you they don't want the same things as you.

So erm, dating apps, please get your shit together and actually help us single people out - thanks!

My advice to anyone dating right now;

Make sure you're content by yourself first, so that when you do meet someone they're just adding to your happiness rather than being the only source of it.

If you have someone over at your house for casual sex, you both know what it is and what you are to each other, but it's still massively disrespectful to be sitting next to them messaging other people about when they're coming over to do the same thing you're there for. You may just want them strictly for their body, but they're still a human being with feelings.

If you're on a dating app, write in your bio what you're looking for. I know it seems like that will narrow the amount of matches you get, but at least the ones you will get want the same things that you do.

You can want to meet the right person and still want to have casual sex whilst you're waiting for that, but just be honest with whoever you're with. Don't treat someone like they're your girl/guy and act like they're more to you than they are when you don't feel that way about them.

And lastly, I mean I can only speak for myself really but, you're more likely to meet me if you invite me out on an actual date first, or even a walk and not just asking me over to your house. If you fully think that you're going to get something from me on our first meeting, then I can guarantee you won't get shit purely because you were expecting it.

To conclude (based on the male population that I've spoke to and met so far only) men annoy me. Dating is shit. And although I'd be content on my own, I'd rather not be completely alone for the rest of my life.

How are you finding dating in 2021?

With love, Han

xo